Search you will, but found love, you already have
by The venom in her words
Summary: While helping the rebels on Onderon, Ahsoka struggles with her feelings for Lux and the relationship he shares with Steela. Ahsoka struggles to understand her feelings and control them while training the rebels. Trying to over come an awkward relationship with Steela while figuring out her relationship with Lux, Ahsoka turns to Rex for support. And learns what her heart truly wants


The rebels where learning quickly, and soon they would be strong enough to stand alone. Not that they had much choice. Rex was good at getting to them,he knew how to talk to them and he gave them hope in their force-less ability. Anakin seemed to like them and he saw potential in them, especially Steela. Obi-wan on the other hand had distanced himself, and Ahsoka wasn't sure if he had as much faith in them as Anakin did. Ahsoka herself liked the rebels, but she couldn't get passed how awkward she felt around Lux and Steela. Jedi were not meant to have these types of feelings and she was angry with herself for the way she felt about Steela. She was a good warrior with a good cause, and Ahsoka knew she'd probably even like her if it wernt for her relationship with Lux. Speaking of Lux, he'd been awkward as well. It's not like they left on bad terms or anything but there was certainly an tension between the two that neither had spoken of. Ahsoka had come to terms with her feelings but she had no intentions to act a pone them. She was a jedi and part of her really didn't want Lux at all, but another part of her did. She wasn't sure what she wanted from him. She didn't want to be with him, yet she didn't want him to be with anyone else? Or did she want to be with him? She wasn't sure anymore. This wasn't the first time Lux had hurt her though, many times had he given her conflicted feelings. After the whole death watch thing and activating an escape pod without even bothering to say goodbye first. And of course she took it personality that he refused to joint he republic. Ahsoka had truly wanted to be over him, but whenever she thought she was, he'd pop back up again and everything would become messed up. He was really the first boy her age she'd spent time around, and that may have been what peeked her interest. For a girl that was constantly surrounded by men, having someone younger was good for her confidence. Even if the clones where technically around her age, they were much more developed and looked at her as if she was a child. She felt unattractive, like a little kid. So maybe it was the way Lux had looked at her when they first met, or how you glanced her up and down when he though she wasn't looking. It made Ahsoka feel attractive that he would look at her with lust. It's not like she's never had interest showed in her. In fact she got quite a lot, by both the young and old. Grown men seemed to find no issue in her appearance, but they were often criminals or creepy and scummy. But Lux was clean cut and handsome, and his attraction to her made her feel confident. Until now. Now Ahsoka just felt unattractive and insecure and jealous as well. And she hated this feeling. It was something she'd never felt before and she was trying not to be angry at Lux and Steela for making her feel this way, and she was worried it showed. She felt ignored. Anakin and Rex were busy with the rebels and Lux was busy with Steela and Obi-Wan was busy observing and Ahsoka just felt alone. Saw had been paying attention to her at least. It was nice and she felt bad for how much she tuned him out, but it would seem she was easily distracted.

Anakin had finally cut the rebels some slack was let them rest. Ahsoka sat alone, purposelessly distancing herself from the crowd. Anakin was picking up that she wasn't ok and she sure hoped he didn't know why and that she wasn't so obvious that Obi-wan would also catch on. But it seemed that he too was distracted by his own thoughts. Ahsoka couldn't help but notice Lux noticing her. Ahsoka felt nervous and self conscious suddenly. She tried to pretended she didn't notice him staring and played it off as is she wasn't sulking over by herself but rather observing. She turned to him and pretended to be caught of guard as if she hadn't noticed him. He smiled at her and she smiled back and then he slowly started towards her, only to be stopped when he noticed Steela walking towards him. Ahsoka couldn't hear what she was saying, but the two were laughing and smiling and it would seem she'd been forgotten. "Great" Ahsoka muttered. Her mood suddenly sinking even more. What did Steela have that made her so much more interesting to him? Why did he like her more? Now she just looked awkward, maybe she should go find Anakin. No, he'd question her mood, and Ahsoka was bad at hiding things. She glanced around the camp for Rex and spotted him talking to some rebels. He looked rather annoyed and Ahsoka couldn't help but giggle at the clones grumpy expression. Something about Rex always soothed her, and just being near him cheered her up. He didn't even have to do anything, just his little rexy ways made her happy somehow.

"Hey there commander" Saw said as he plopped himself down besides her with a cocky smile and a twinkle in his eye. "Saw" Ahsoka smiled politely "you did really well today.' She did like saw but for some reason, like the rest of the rebels, she found him hard to talk to and never knew what to say. Saw chuckled and threw him arms behind his head "Yeah these things come naturally to me." he said. Ahsoka smiled and rolled her eyes. "But I really couldn't haven't done it without your help, you know. You're a real good teacher." Ahsoka perked up at his words. "thanks" she said cheerfully. "Yeah, actually I was wondering if some time you could give me a ugh one on one, you know, show me what you've got." Saw said with a smirk. "if you're interested in learning from me, I'm happy to teach you." Ahsoka said. Saw had somehow managed to scoot himself right up next to her, so that their legs were brushing against each other. And he was leaning on her slightly. "You've got skills. I've never seen jedi in action before, or jedi at all actually. And I'll admit you're definitely not what I was expecting." he said. Ahsoka frowned slightly. "what were you expecting." She asked. "Don't really know, just not you I guess." He said and then let out a soft laugh. "guess I could say I was pleasantly surprised." he was looking at her, but Ahsoka found herself avoiding his gaze. "I'll be honest." he said, not waiting for her to say anything. "i've always associated fighting with blasters and bombs and gruesome,dirty, stuff like that. I didn't know it could ever be so...beautiful." He was still looking at her, and Ahsoka wasn't sure how to react exactly. She glanced over at Rex who was messaging his temples as two rebels were attempting to disassemble a droid in-front of him. Ahsoka looked at he feet. "Regardless of how it's done, it's still fighting." Ahsoka said "there's just different ways to do it. That's why we're here." "I'm glad you are." Saw said and slid his arm around her. Ahsoka smiled at him slightly. "me too." she said. She noticed Lux was staring at the two of them, and Steela, who was still trying to continue their conversation, seemed to be noticing this as well and seemed irritated by it. Ahsoka briefly scanned Lux's expression, he was visibly unhappy and struggling to keep his focus on Steela. He continued to glance over at the her and suddenly Ahsoka felt empowered. Maybe she'd give him a taste of his own medicine. She knew it was wrong, but she could always play the clueless card.

"Actually Saw, I'd like you to teach me some things too." She said. Saw beamed. "Not sure what I could possibly teach you, but whatever it is I'd love too." Ahsoka thought for a second. "Well umm, I feel like I don't really know the story of this planet too well, and there are so many strange animals and uh well I was curious to how you all came together and made this whole rebel group thing." It didn't seem like that what Saw really wanted to hear but he agreed to it with a smile. Lux, who was clearly eavesdropping, didn't seem very effected by it either and was turning his attention back to Steela. 'Oh no you don't' Ahsoka thought to herself. "Oh and those flying...things." she said. Both Saw and Luxs ears pricked up. "The rupings?" Saw asked. "uh um those." Ahsoka said pointing to the large winged beast that many of the rebels used to ride on. "Yeah rupings." Saw said. "I um, i'm just so used to flying ships and I've never really gotten used to the whole riding organics thing...i was just...uh..well." Ahsoka wasn't sure where she was going with this but Saw was eating it up, and it would appear Lux was as-well. "I'll take you for a ride! Show you the whole city. It'd be much easier to teach you about Onderon that way, wouldn't ya think. And I could even teach you how to ride em." Saw said leaning in a bit closer. "Oh I don't think i'd be very good at it, you...make it look so easy but i'm sure it's really not." She smiled and gave a slight bat of her lashes. Ahsoka had quickly discovered that the way to get on Saws good side was by telling him how great he was. "Well I mean it does take a lot of practice, gotta form up a relationship with the beast first. And you gotta have the right skill. But it's nothing I can't teach. But uh it takes time, but I'd say a day out there just you and me, and I could defiantly teach you a thing or two."

That seemed to be the last straw for Lux. "I certainly, hope you're not planning a vacation in the middle of a war Saw." he said walking over rather quickly. Steela trailed behind him looking irritated. "Butt out Bonteri." Saw snapped. "The jedi are here to teach us, and you certainly have a lot to learn. So i'd suggest you stick around and not cut class when you can't afford to." Lux snapped. "HO HO HO YOU'RE ONE TO TALK." Saw roared, standing up and getting in Luxs face. "you're not exactly a solider so I wouldn't be talking sen-ee-terr." The two glared at each other. "stop it." Steela said getting between the two of them. Ahsoka sighed and rolled her eyes. "Lux, I do happen to be one of the jedi here to train you you know." she said. Lux looked embarrassed. "I ugh, yes, I just." He stuttered. "Yeah exactly, she's here to teach us and I being the overachiever I am, requested extra time to...learn." Saw said crossing his arms. "Funny, I'm sure master Skywalker would be happy to help you." Lux muttered.

"Shut up!" Saw snapped. "I like Ahsokas technique." Saw said. "I don't doubt it." Lux almost growled. "Both of you stop it!" Steela said. "You are acting like children, come on Lux just let him do what he wants." Lux ignored her. "Ahsoka...I...I know how to fly the rupings too." He said. Steelas eyes widened before her face grew sour. "I'd say that's more of a matter of opinion than fact." Saw said bitterly. Lux glared at him and the two began to argue some more. This wasn't what Ahsoka wanted, she was trying to bring the rebels together not tear the apart. She had just wanted to make Lux feel the way he's made her feel.

Rex had noticed the commotion and was staring over a them with a concerned look on his face. He was alone now, probably had dismissed the rebels a while ago. And he looked tired and concerned. Ahsoka suddenly felt smothered and wished everyone else was a hundred miles away besides Rex. She wanted to be right next to him, with no one else to bother her. Suddenly Lux didn't matter or Saw or Steela. Just Rex. "Why don't you guys go join the rest of your group, you guys are their leaders and I'm sure they would be looking for you now." Ahsoka said. "yeah." Steela said, "we should do that." "I'm going to go discuss..things with Captian Rex, so I uh I'll catch up later." Ahsoka said. "Yeah that sounds good. I'll catch you later commander." Saw said with a wink. "Ugh ye-yes Ahsoka could ugh-" Lux started but Ahsoka had already made her way towards Rex and Steela was dragging him away. "Let's go boys." She huffed, clearly unhappy.

Ahsoka made her way over to Rex and stood in front of him awkwardly. "Company?" she asked. "always." Rex said with a grin. " Getting along with the rebels?" She asked. He chuckled "they're not all fast learners and they've got weaknesses my brothers don't. But they are willing to do what it takes to save their home, and I respect that. What about you?" he asked. Ahsoka shrugged. "Yeah..well, most of them. I think." She sighed and leaned back against the wall Rex was leaning on. "Can't please em all." Rex said looking at the sky. "But stars know they'd be nothing more than the droids practice dummies without you." Ahsoka smiled at him. He had his eyes closed and his head laid back against the wall with a slight smirk on his face. He was a handsome man, all clones were in a rugged type of way, but there was just something about Rex that Ahsoka couldn't put her finger on. Maybe it was the way his eyebrows were always closely knit together, or the contrast of blonde hair and tanned skin, or that little smirk of his or the way he wore a mean mug but his eyes were soft and gentle. There was just something about him that was comforting, something that no one else had made her feel. She suddenly seemed to forget why she had been sad or that she had even been sad or maybe when she was with him she didn't know how to be sad.

"You think they'll win?" Ahsoka asked. "Yeah" Rex grunted. "I actually think they will." "Me too." Ahsoka smiled. The two sat together and talked about many things, the war a first but then ideas and hobbies and personal stories. Rex told her about his cantina adventures and fun times with his brothers and Ahsoka told him about her adventure with her master that had hilariously failed. The two laughed together over Anakins crazy ideas and all the trouble he'd gotten them into. It was dark before they knew it, but neither made a move to get up. "I admire how easily you can talk to the rebels." Ahsoka told him. "I'm just given em orders." Rex said. "Yeah but they get you, I just, I don't know I just feel weird here." she said. "You and Anakin are fitting in and Obi-wan is not fitting in intentionally and I'm just not sure where I stand." "It's all in your head little un. They respect you and are eager to learn, trust me I see it." he assured her. "You do?" she asked. "...What eles...do you see?" She knew Rex wouldn't tell her if he knew, Rex never pushed these things. He didn't look at her when he answered. "Steelas not been to friendly huh? Got you down?" Ahsoka bit her lip slightly. "I feel like if I don't have her I don't have any of them." she admitted. "But there's just a block when it comes to the two of us." Rex frowned. "Steelas tough, but she's not as confident as she plays it out to be. But she needs you, she really does. And I think she'll figure that out eventually." Ahsoka looked down at her hands in her lap. "Actually there is something else that's bothering me." Rex nodded for her to go on, even though she knew he knew what it was. And so she told him about how she met Lux and about Death Watch. "I'm worried he's going to do something stupid again, and I just feel that after all we've been through he's treating me differently now that he's got his group and I just feel hurt that he won't even consider joining the republic after all I've done for him. I don't know, it's just dumb. I thought he was my friend but he's been treating me like I'm...i don't know." Rex stayed quiet for a long time then he gently rubbed the side of her head with his knuckles. "He's just being a kid." Rex said "He awkward because he's also out of his element here and he desperately wants to fit in. You and the jedi remind him that he's not like the other rebels and it's hard for him." Rex patted her knee "Maybe he won't join the Republic but that's his loss and choice. But he's a fool to ever shut you out." Ahsoka gazed at Rex and he gazed right back at her. "He's lucky to have a friend like you, he really is." A sudden sadness crossed Rexs face. "Rex?" Ahsoka asked concerned. "Just getting hungry, whadaya say we go see what they've cooked up hm?" "That sounds great!" Ahsoka said, suddenly realizing how hungry she was.

Anakin and Obi-wan were no where in site and Ahsoka had no desire to stray from Rex. Lux noticed her walk in a found his way to her side, pretending he was also interested in the strange fruits she was eyeing. "You've been gone a while." He said "I was starting to get nervous." "You don't have to worry about me." Ahsoka assured him. "yeah I know, it's just there's a lot of droids running around...and I just." Lux sighed. "It's just things are about to get messy and dangerous." "I'm used to it, don't worry. And besides I've got Rex with me." she said. Rex who stood besides her poking at the strange meats on his plate nodded. " No one makes a better team then a clone and a jedi." he said. He and Ahsoka smiled at each other for a long time. "R-right." Lux said quietly. "Would you like to come eat with us?" he said pointing him thumb back to the table behind him where Saw steela and a couple other rebels were finishing eating. Saw was busy telling a story of some sort and the others were laughing. Steela on the other hand was silent and directed a dirty look Ahsokas way "Oh that's ok, you guys look about done. I don't want to interrupt, go back and be with your friends, I'll catch up with you all later." she said and began to follow Rex to another table that had already been abandoned. Lux went back to his table and let Steela learn against him but he continued to glance her way. Ahsoka and Rex stayed and talked long after they'd finished there food until Anakin decided to join them followed by a grumpy Obi-wan. "Better get some rest." Anakin announced after picking off the uneaten fruit from Ahsokas plate. "lot's of work to do tomorrow." The group all nodded and headed over to the bunks. "You're in a good mood." Anakin said quietly to Ahsoka. "Should I not be?" She asked. Anakin raised his eye brow and gave a slight snort. "Well I'm glad your not sulking anymore, one grumpy jedi is enough."

"I'm not grumpy." Obi-wan said with a slight pout.

"Ohh of course not master."

"I'm observing."

"of course."

"like we should all be doing"

"yes master"

"Because we are not aloud to fight-"

"The war for them they must learn to do it themselves. I know."

Obi-Wan let out a snort and Ahsoka just smirked at the two and rolled her eyes.

 **Thinking about making this a two or three part story, let me know if you'd like that.**


End file.
